Pinch and Purge
by prettylittlefanfic
Summary: Spencer Hastings has always been pushed to be the best by her family. Anything below perfect, is just not good enough for the Hastings' high standards. But what happens when the pressure to be perfect becomes too much for Spencer? What will happen when Spencer starts changing her eating in order to maintain control?
1. Introduction

**Introduction **

Spencer ran up the stairs of her house, using her long legs to climb them two at a time. The only thing on her mind was getting herself in her room and away from the monsters that she called her family. Spencer entered the room, tears streaming down her face. Her body collapsed against the oposite side of her closed door, she let herself slide down the back of it until her bottom hit the floor.

Their cruel words sneered through her brain and stung her heart.  
"Do you really expect to get into Princeton with a B+ in physics?" Her Mother spat at her youngest daughter, a look of pure diagust on her face.  
"Yeah Spence, when I was in high school, I passed that class with an easy A. You must just be lazy... or stupid" Melissa bragged, her eyes focused on her finger nails, as if Spencer wasn't even worth it enough to look at.  
And her Father's words hurt the most. "All you do is bring shame to this family. First by you and your friend making headlines, and now this! You're nothing but an embarrassment"

Spencer wasn't sure why she was even upset. Its not like her parents weren't right. She was a failure, she deserved to be yelled at, she deserved to feel like this. 'You're such a cry baby, no wonder why your family is embarrassed of you' She thought to herself.

Spencer had tried harder than she ever had that semester. Staying up till sunrise more often than not, spending hours on homework, and even staying after and asking for extra work. But with Spencer's insane field hockey schedule, which held practice everyday, and two games a week, her physics grade was sacrificed by the end of the term.

Spencer angrily whipped at her eyes and threw her hands down by her sides. She wasn't mad at her parents, her sister, or even -A anymore. She was done blaming others for her mistakes, this was one hundred percent her fault.

Spencer pulled herself off the ground sharply, she quickly ripped the pillows and comforters off of her bed and slammed them to the ground. She then swiped her hand across her bedside table, knocking all the items on it to the ground.

'I'm never going to be good enough for them, why do I even try?' Spencer thought as she felt the tears creeping up behind her eyes again. Spencer knew what happened to her at times like this. At times when she felt like she was loosing control of her life, Spencer's brain had trained itself to focus on what she _could_ control.

Her eating habits.

**Pleaseee leave me a review and tell me what you think of this story and if I should continue! The story is going to be about Spencer developing an eating disorder because of all the pressures she is put under by her family. The more reviews I get, the sooner I'll update**.


	2. Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Spencer awoke the next morning to her phone ringing loudly in her ear. Her body jerked up from it's sleeping position and she looked around at her unusual surroundings.

She must have fell asleep on the floor after all the crying the previous night, she thought as she lifted her face off of the rough rug. She was still clad in yesterday's outfit, and dried tears stained her face. The sheets were ripped off of her bed and strewn around her room, and stuff from her bedside table cluttered the floor around her.  
Spencer cleared her throat and looked down at her cell phone. Three new texts and two missed calls. Spencer opened up the phone and immediately dialed Aria back.

"Hey Spence, where are you? Your never late for school" Her short brunette asked curiously.

"Late!" Spencer squeaked, as she took the phone away from her face and looked at the time. Sure enough, school had started about ten minutes ago.

"I just... overslept I guess. In on my way" Spencer mumbled into the phone as she stood up and began to look through her closet for an outfit.

"Okay, bye" Aria said before hanging up. Spencer rummaged around her closet and picked out the two closest items in her reach. They were a pair of plain black yoga pants, and a pink tee shirt. The outfit was a little casual for Spencer, but she hadn't had time last night to pick out and arrange her clothes like she normally did.

After Spencer was finished getting dressed, she threw a little mascara on her tired eyes, and went over to the window to see which cars were in the driveway. Luckily, both her parents were at work, and Melissa's car was gone as well. She was probably out with her fiance Ian, or something.

Spencer grabbed her bag, and rushed down the stairs. She sighed at the sight of her empty house. No one had bothered to ask her if she was okay last night, after she had made it pretty obvious that she was crying. They must have had dinner together without her, maybe they all bonded over making fun of her, or had fun talking about how much of a failure she was.

Spencer knew she needed to stop her thoughts from going any farther unless she wanted the water works to start again. She took a deep breath, and focused on something else, breakfast.

Spencer considered eating something, but nothing looked appealing to her. She knew she should be hungry, seems how she had skipped dinner the night before, but she just couldn't bring herself to eat something. Her parents words flooded her mind, 'You're such an embarrassment to this family'. They were right, Even if she she was hungry, she didn't deserve to eat.

Spencer shuttered. On that note she left the house and headed to school.

When she arrived at school, she checked in late at the front office, which she felt so ashamed of. Spencer had never been late for school, and she knew her parents were going to have a panic attack when they saw the tardy on her next report card, she could just add that to her list of things to worry about.

About halfway though a grueling AP english class, Spencer asked to be excused to the ladies room. She hardly ever asked to go to the bathroom during school, but she was starting to feel a little queasy and she thought she should splash some cold water on her face. When Spencer got into the bathroom, she stood in a stall and waited for everyone else to leave. Once the coast was clear, she stepped out and was immediately faced with her own horrid reflection.

"Eww I look so fat" She mumbled to herself. She turned her body to the side and examined her abdomen. To anyone else it would look flat and thin, but in her perfectionist mind it looked the opposite.

Spencer's reflection was enough to make her sick, and if there was food in her stomach she probably would have. _'No wonder my parents love Melissa more than me, she's much skinnier than I am"_

Spencer spent the first half of the day being distracted. Two of her teachers had already had to ask her to pay attention, and when the her calculus teacher asked her a question, Spencer had to ask him to repeat it. She was just having one of those days.

Spencer was thankful when she got to meet up with her three best friends at lunch time. Even though it had only been a day since she had she last seen them, it had felt like it had been a year.

Before going to the table, Spencer realized that she needed to buy something to eat at the cafeteria, since she had forgotten to pack a lunch. She groaned as she pulled herself through the Buffet line,

_'Too many calories'_  
_'Too much fat'_  
_'Ew, fried food'_  
Spencer thought as she scanned her eyes through the selection of cafeteria food. She eventually just gave up and picked up a pre-made ceaser salad and headed to her table.

When Spencer arrived at the table she was accompanied by Hanna and Aria, who were already sitting down and eating. "Hey guys, where's Em?" She asked, when she realized that her third friend was missing from the group.

"She texted me, telling me that her math teacher is keeping her late" Aria informed the group. Spencer and Hanna nodded in unison before jumping into another conversation.  
Spencer opened up her salad and started picking at a few pieces of the lettuce with her fork. Every time she thought about taking a bite, she was reminded of her disgusting reflection in the bathroom mirror. She put down her fork and ruffled through her backpack when she heard her phone vibrating, signalling that she had a text.

She smiled when she saw that the sender was Toby.

_'Dinner tonight? ;)_' Read the text.

_'Sure, my place?'_ Spencer responded promptly. Even the simplest message from Toby was enough to give her butterflies.

She smiled, and slipped her phone back in her bag. At least one good thing was going to happen to her today.

Before she even realized it, lunch was over, and her friends were packing up their things to leave. It was probably a good thing she didn't get a chance to eat, it was only going to make her fatter anyways. Spencer stood up maybe a little too quickly, because she felt a brief dizziness wash over her. Thankfully, it subsided after a moment.

"Spence are you feeling okay? You didn't even touch your food" Hanna pointed out worriedly. Spencer swallowed nervously when she noticed all three of her friends looking at her, as if they were wondering the same thing.

"Yeah I um... I had a big breakfast" Spencer brushed off the question quickly as she threw away her trash and exited the cafeteria.


	3. Skip Dinner, Wake up Thinner

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews! They inspire me to continue writing! This story means so much to me. I know first hand what it is like to have an eating disorder, so writing this makes me feel like I can express what feels like, and maybe help others to understand. Please tell me what you think in the review box!**

"Hey Spence" Toby greeted his girlfriend as he walked into her bedroom after school that day. Toby and Spencer had been seeing each other for so long that he had permission to just walk in to her house whenever she was expecting him over. "Iv'e missed you" he hummed as he engulfed her in a big teddy bear hug.

"I've missed you too" Spencer replied as she burrowed her face into his shoulder. She inhaled the sweet smell of his cologne, and instantly felt at ease.

After sitting down on Spencer's bed, the couple spent the next half hour or so catching up and enjoying each other's company, both of them more than excited to see each other. Spencer loved spending time like this with Toby, he always had a way of helping her forget her problems and feel good about herself.  
Toby was in the middle of telling Spencer a story about his new project at work, when he heard her stomach growl.

Spencer internally cursed at herself.

"You sound hungry" Toby chuckled "Can I cook you something?"

"I'm not hungry" Spencer replied a little too quickly. Immediate panic washed over her features.

"You sure sound it..." Toby eyed her with slight suspicion. "Come on, ill tell you the rest of my story after I feed you. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you starve to death?" Toby smiled.

Spencer fake smiled back at him. If only he knew the true irony of his joke. Spencer sighed in defeat, she did realise that refusing food any further would cause suspicion so she had no choice but to let him lead her down the stairs and to the kitchen.

Once they arrived, Toby insisted that Spencer sit down and relax while he cooked for her, he wouldn't let her help no matter how many times she offered. "No you can't help, what I'm making is a surprise" Toby said every time she had insisted.

Toby tried to make small talk with Spencer, but she couldn't concentrate, she was too busy being paranoid about the food that would soon be in her mouth. What was he making? Damn surprises. Maybe she should fake feeling sick? Or would that be too obvious that she was hiding something? Spencer examined every single ingredient that Toby pulled out of her fridge, frantically trying to calculate how many calories were in each one. She felt so overwhelmed with worry that for a moment she thought she might cry.

"So where is your family?" Toby asked casually, trying to start a conversation with her.

"Yeah" Spencer answered absentmindedly, her mind obviously in a different place.

"Spencer" Toby sighed.

"Hmm what?" Spencer snapped out of her daze quickly and looked at her annoyed boyfriend.

"Is there something going on? Your acting strange."

"No I'm fine, I promise. I'm just really stressed out from school. Did you hear I got a B in physics. A...B ." Spencer emphasized to show how big of a deal it was to her.

"It's okay Spence, everyone makes mistakes and a B isn't even that bad" Toby reasoned. He admired how seriously Spencer took her school work, but sometimes he just wished that she wouldn't let it consume her so much.

"That's not what my parents said. Apparently im a shame to them" Spencer scoffed, she tried her best to hide her emotions from Toby, not wanting to drag him down with her drama.

"You are anything but shameful, even if you failed every class you would not be a shame to me" Toby said as he stepped away from the stove and put his hand gently below her chin, then tilted her head up so she was looking him in the eyes.

"You don't mean that" Spencer replied, even though the effects of his sweet words were showing in her teary eyes.

"As soon as Toby saw the first tear fall, he captured it with the pad of his thumb before craddling her head in his arms. Spencer tried her hardest not to cry.

"I just wish I was good enough for them" she pulled her head out of his arms and whiped away any fallen tears that she had tried so hard to contain.

"You don't need to be good enough for anyone Spencer. Just be good enough for yourself and that's all that should matter."

How was it that Toby always knew exactly the right thing to say? He could cause her mood to take a one eighty with just a few kind words.

"Thank you Toby" Spencer sniffled as she captured his big hand in her small one. Only letting go when she realised that the cooking food needed his attention.

With all these emotions, Spencer almost forgot her upcoming meal that she had been dreading.

"Okay, this looks about ready" Toby announced as he removed the vegetable and chicken dish off the stove, and started dishing it out onto two plates.

Spencer suddenly didn't feel so guilty about eating anymore. Maybe it had to do with Toby comforting her on the fight with her parents. Eating the dinner was still painful, but not as bad as she had originally made it out to be. "How is it" Toby asked in between bites of his almost gone plate.

"It's really good Toby, thank you" Spencer answered truthfully. Toby was an amazing cook. Spencer hadn't realised how hungry she had really been until she finally took a bite of the delicious food.

"Mhm thank you, that was delicious" Spencer said as she helped her boyfriend wash out the dishes and put away the ingredients.

The two of them jumped when they heard the front door slam and someone's high heels clanking on the hard wood floor. "Spencer!" The voice yelled before they could see the couple in the kitchen. Spencer could tell it was her Mother's voice, and that she was angry.

"Oh.. hello Toby" Veronica Hastings said when she finally caught sight of the two teenagers who were in the middle of washing dishes. Her tone was much calmer than before when she first walked in. Probably because she didn't want Toby to see that she was angry.

"Um maybe you should go... ill call you later" Spencer told Toby quietly. She hated saying goodbye to Toby, but she could tell that her mom was in a bad mood and as probably going to yell at her again.

"Okay" Toby replied before kissing her on the cheek and saying goodbye to .

Veronica waited for Toby to be out of the door and out of earshot before she started talking to her daughter again. Veronica hadn't taken her eyes off of Spencer since the moment she walked through the door.

"I can't believe you" finally said, breaking the silence between them. Spencer wanted to ask what she had done, but she knew enough not to speak at a time like this.

"I got an email from your school, saying you were late today" Veronica spat at her youngest daughter.

Spencer looked down in shame. Spencer's parents had always taught her to never be late for anything. She and Melissa had basically collected perfect attendance awards throughout their years of school.

"Well what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I guess I just overslept" Specer sqeaked, her voice quieter than a mouse.

"You overslept" Her Mother repeated in a mockingly tone, her eyes felt like daggers piercing through Spencer's skin.

"First you get a B in a class, and now this?! God dammit Spencer, your father was right about you. All you do is fuck things up. Do you even care about the Hastings name?!" Her Mother shouted in her face.

Spencer felt so small and weak against her overbearing, lawer of a mother. She could feel the tears pouring down her face, but this time made no effort to stop them, there was no use. "I'm sorry"

Veronica scoffed in disgust, "Talk to me when you grow up and learn to be responsible, instead of fooling around with your boyfriend all day" her Mother said as she grabbed her purse and stormed out the front door, slamming it hard behind her.

Spencer fell to her knees in defeat, tears pouring down her face. She hugged her legs to her chest and sobbed into her knees. Your family is supposed to love and support you. Especially your own Mother, who brought you into this world. No, instead Spencer's family dispises her and wishes she would die. 'I bet if I looked like Melissa they would like me better' She thought. Spencer instinctively put her hand on her abdomin. 'Why did I have to eat so much, im so fat. No wonder why they hate me' Spencer thought. 'Who would love someone as fat as me?'

Suddenly and idea popped into Spencer's head. She knew how she could fix it. Spencer picked herself up off the ground and made her way up into the upstairs bathroom. Without a second thought, Spencer stuck her finger down her throat and got rid of the meal she had just consumed. All she wanted was to be skinny. To be perfect enough for her family to love her.

**I know this a sensitive subject to many people, so I'm doing my best to do it justice. If anyone has any suggestions, opinions, or just wants to talk, feel free to pm me or let me know in the reviews!**


	4. These Voices in my Head are Killing me

"Spencer" Toby called up the staircase of the Hastings house. Yesterday afternoon while the two of them were talking, Toby had offered to give Spencer a ride to school the next morning. Spencer had seemed to like the idea, and accepted his offer willingly.

"Spencer!" Toby called out again as he began to climb the stairs and make his way to her bedroom.

Usually when Toby gives Spencer a ride to school, she is always ready and waiting near the door for him to pick her up. So that's why when he pulled into her driveway, waited a few minites, and then called her only to go straight to voicemail, he decided to go in and see what was going on.

Toby was surprised to enter his girlfriend's room and find that she was not there. In fact, her bed was perfectly made, almost as if she had never even slept in it. He took another scan around the room before determining that she was not in there. He frantically searched the other rooms of her house until he finaly found her in the upstairs bathroom.

"What the-" he whispered in shock when he spotted the little brunett curled up and asleep on the cold tile floor. He also noticed what appeared to be vomit in the toilet beside her. Toby cautiously kneeled down beside Spencer. He placed his hand on her shoulder and shook her a little.

"Spence, wake up" he said gently as he felt her stir beneath him.

He watched as his girlfriend opened her beautiful brown eyes and started to look around, a very confused expression on her face.

"Are you okay? Why were you asleep on your bathroom floor?" Toby asked with deep concearn as he helped Spencer into a sitting position. Toby put the back of his hand on her forehead to feel if she had a fever.

"I- I um..." Spencer rasped as she cleared her throat.

Her head was spinning as the memories from last night began to flood back to her. She remembered the horrible fight she had with her mom, and the way she practically kicked Toby out of her house. She also remembered what she had done to get rid of all the food in her stomach.

"I got sick last night, so I must have fallen asleep in here afterwards" Spencer admitted, a shutter running through her body from the horrible memory.

"Aww Spence, I didnt know you were sick. You should have called me and I could have come over and taken care of you."

"No it's okay, I feel better now" Spencer lied. Truthfully, she felt even worse than she did last night. Her head was pounding and she felt as if she was about to pass out.

"You don't look like you're better" Toby said as he examined the circles under her eyes, her pale face, and the way she was shivering uncontrollably.

"No really I'm okay" Spencer insisted stubbornly as she struggled to get up.

"Hey, hey relax" Toby comforted when he noticed her struggling. He put his strong arm around her tiny waist and helped her to her feet.

"I have to get ready for school, I don't want to be late again" Spencer said as she flushed away the disgusting evidence of what she did last night down the toilet.

"I don't think you should go to school today Spencer. All this stress is literally makeing you sick" Toby advised, a look of concern in his eyes.

"I have to go to school, i'm fine really I swear" Spencer begged.

"No Spencer I'm serious, you need a day off" Toby insisted "Come on, i'll stay home from work and spend the day with you. We can watch movies and cuddle all day" He smiled. Toby had suspected that something wasn't right with Spencer yesterday when he was over, but now he was sure of it. All he wanted to do was figure out what was bothering her so he could help.

Spencer sighed and leaned into her boyfriend's chest, he was so warm and comforting. She knew that she should protest more, but all she could think about was sleep.

"I'm bringing you to bed" Toby declared as he effortlessly lifted her up into his arms, and carried her to her bed. He could see that her eyes were already starting to close as he pulled the covers over her body. Toby even went over to the supply closet and grabbed extra blankets for her, due to how much she was shivering.

"Good night baby, i'll be here when you wake up"

Spencer, already half asleep, reached out and grabbed his arm. She pulled him down so he was lying down beside her. "Lay with me?" She asked innocently.

"Of course"

"A few hours must have passed by before Toby awoke. He looked over at the alarm clock on Spencer's night stand and it read 11:00 am. He looked down at his girlfriend who was still sound asleep with her head on his chest.

Toby tried to fall back to sleep for a while but gave up when he realized there was no use. He slid himself out from under Spencer, careful not to disturb her. He got up and looked at Spencer's phone which was lighting up, signaling that, she was getting a call. Toby left the room and answered his girlfriend's phone because it was Hanna and he figured Spencer's friends were probably worried about her.

"Hey Hanna, it's me Toby"

"Hi Toby, where's Spencer? Is she okay?

"Yeah Spence will be fine. I came over to pick her up this morning and found her asleep on the bathroom floor." Toby began to explain.

"She told me that she had been throwing up the night before, so I told her to stay home from school, she is catching up on sleep now"

"Aww poor Spencer!" Hanna sympathized. "Tell her I hope she feels better, and do you want me to stop by with her school work?"

"Yes, thank you, that would be great."

"No problem, i'll come by on my way home from school, we're just at lunch now"

"Okay thanks again Han, bye"

"Bye"

Toby hung up the phone and put it back on the desk in Spencer's room. He froze when he saw her shift a little in her sleep. "Toby?" She rasped, her voice just above a whisper.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" Toby asked as he made his way to her bed.

"Much better" She smiled and stretched her arms and legs under the covers.

"Can I make you breakfast? You must be starving by now" Toby asked, considering that it was almost lunch time.

"I don't know Toby. I'm scared If I eat something i'll just get sick again" Spencer looked down in shame. She knew that she needed to eat something, and that she couldn't starve herself forever. Spencer was a smart girl, and it didn't take a genious to figure out that this wasn't good for her. But something inside her was just begging her not to eat, like a little demon voice ringing in her head.

_Only skinny girls are allowed to eat, you're too fat for that. Spencer's brain tormented._

Toby sighed, he placed his hand on the back of Spencer's forehead again. Although her temperature felt normal, she certainly wasn't acting normal.

"At least let me bring you some water then?" Toby asked as he tentatively stroked her pale cheek with his hand. "I don't want you to get dehydrated"

"Okay, thank you" Spencer replied, nuzzling her head into his calloused hand.

As soon as Toby exited the room and was far enough away from Spencer's earshot, he pulled out his cell phone. He dialed Emily's number and waited for his friend to answer.

"Hi Toby, what's-" Emily started before she was interupted by a very tense sounding Toby.

"I think there's something seriously wrong with Spencer"


	5. Hanging on to Every Last Breath

Weeks seemed to crawl by for Toby and the liars. The leaves on the trees were becoming more and more colorful as the days went on,what was once warm, sunny weather, was now changing intfainted days and colder nights.

Although Toby had fought it as best he could, no one could deny that him and Spencer had been drifting apart lately.

Phone calls that used to occur once a day had turned into once a week. Sure, the two teens had both been extremely busy, but they used to always find a way to make time for each other, found a way to fight the odds. Now, it was almost like Spencer and Toby had stopped trying.

Toby sighed heavily as he packed up his tool case and slung it over his shoulder. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and came to see zero missed calls and zero new messages. He tossed the equipment into the back of his truck and headed back to his apartment. He thought about calling Spencer, but he didn't want to be annoying her.

It seemed like he was always the one calling lately. If she even bothered to answer, the conversation would be pretty dry. Usually ending with him asking to see her and she making up an excuse on why she can't make it.

Toby had tried talking to Spencer's friends about it, but they were just as clueless as he was. Everyone was worried about Spencer, but it seemed like the more they tried to help her, the further she pushed them away.

Toby arrived at his destination and pulled into his parking spot in front of the loft. He stopped his car, but was too deeply invested in thought too get up. He just sat there, silently dazing into space, 'What's wrong with Spencer?' Were the thoughts that flooded his mind as he sat helplessly, left to figure her out on his own.

Emily feilds smiled as she met up with two of her best friends, Hanna and Aria at the rosewood coffee shop. "Hey guys!" The tall brunette greeted as her friends walked through the door, and over to meet her a the table.

"I ordered you guys the usual" Emily stated, "medium caramel iced with extra expresso for Aria, and hazelnut swirl, two cremes no sugar, for Hanna."

"Perfect" Hanna and Aria smiled gratefully as they settled down in the chairs and started working on their homework.

The four girls often liked to go out for coffee and study together- well studying usually turned into gossiping and fooling around most the time, but that what made it fun.

"Hey why isnt Spencer here?" Emily asked, Once the girls were all settled in and well into a conversation.

"I invited her but she said that she was busy" Aria shrugged.

"She sure has been busy lately" Hanna recalled, a mixture of hurt and confusion on her face. This had to be at least the third coffee date Spencer had missed in the past month.

Emily frowned in agreement with Hanna. She could tell something was wrong with Spencer too but she hadn't been looking into it too much, maybe she should. "Toby called me a few weeks ago, saying he was worried about Spencer" Emily admitted.

Hanna and Aria looked at Emily in shock as they both silently begged her to go on.

"I didn't give it much thought at the time, but now I'm wondering if I should have. Hasn't she seemed kind of... distant lately?"

"Well yeah I guess, but that's just Spencer" Aria doughted "When she gets stressed, she burries herself in her studies. She's probably up to her knees in text books right now."

Hanna and Emily exchanged a glance. "I don't know... she really is starting to act different. She's always blowing us off, and finding a way to skip lunch hall. I mean she's used the 'I need to see my math teacher for extra work' excuse four times last week." Hanna pointed out sarcasrically as she gulped down her coffee.

"Hanna, were midway through senior year. Obviously Spencer-being Spencer, wants to get all the extra credit she can after you know... what happed." Aria explained, lowering her voice at the last part.

It was true. Spencer's grades had plummeted after she found out her boyfriend was on the A team and had a mental break down at the end of last year. It didn't help that she also missed almost two weeks of school because she was in a mental rehabilitation center. Now that she was "better" it made scense for her to want to fix her grades and redeem herself for the remainder of the school year.

"I guess your right." Emily agreed half heartedly. Spencer didn't play around when it came to school, she worked until her fingers bled and her hair was fallng out. After all, she was a Hastings.

"Spencer's fine, she's just got a lot on her plate" The girls agreed as they continued on with their conversation and tried to ignoor the uneasy feeling that they all shared.

Spencer went home straight after school that day. She was thankful that no one was home when she pulled into her driveway at the Hastings residence, a place that she feels shameful or calling home.

Spencer had been invited to go to coffee with Hanna, Emily, and Aria after school that evening, and she wanted more than anything to go. But all her brain would let her think about were the amount of calories in a double mocha expresso.

As soon as Spencer entered the big double doors of her over-the-top house, she was greeted by a large mirror.

'Ew look at my thighs' Her mind immediately insulted her. Except it wasn't really her mind that was saying these things, but the sickness that had invaded it.

Any normal person would be alarmed by the amount of bones that were now visiable in Spencer's rib cage, Or the large gap between her thighs. Spencer wad the only person who failed to see how dangerously thin she had become.

The weather was pretty cold now, so Spencer could hide her weight loss pretty easily with some baggy clothing. Hanna and a few others would comment now and then about her change in style, but Spencer didn't care. At least they didn't know her real secret.

But Spencer could feel herself starting to give up. Her life was falling apart. She was becoming more and more distant from her friends and Toby, and her grades were dropping. She was always tired and cold. After walking up the stairs, she felt as though she had just finished running a marathon. She had just grown used to the constant chills, headaches, and dizzy spells.

She had even fainted a few times, thankfully she was alone both times and no one saw her.

But no matter how much weight she lost and how tiny she became, it was never good enough for Spencer. She still felt fat.

Spencer dropped her school bag the second she walked through the door, which was growing heavier and heavier each day. Or maybe she was just becoming weaker. Spencer shrugged off her sweatshirt, leaving her in just a thin tank top, one that she couldn't wear in public without revealing how skinny she had become.

Spencer decided to go up to her room and maybe take a nap, or study for her physics exam that she would probably fail. She knew that she was too weak for the stairs, but she couldn't stay down here all day. Her family would come home eventually, and she wasn't in the mood for another encounter with them.

Spencer paused as she was gathering her bag and her coat, when she heard her phone ring. It was Toby.

"Hi Toby" She said as she answered the call. Although she loved her boyfriend more than anything, she had been avoiding him lately. It's not like she had a choice, Toby knew her better than anyone, and he would see right through her act in no time.

"Hey Spence" Toby said. His voice sounded so beautiful and pure. As if talking to her was the highlight of his day.

"Hi Toby, I miss you" Spencer replied. It just slipped out, but she wouldn't take it back if she could.

Spencer clutched the railing or the stairs as she felt a wave of dizzyness wash over her. She anxiously tried to blink it away and focus on getting to her bedroom.

"I miss you too baby, when can I see you?"

By now, Spencer was seeing double vision and trying to keep her balance as she was now aproaching the top of the stairs. In one tragic moment, her knees buckled under her and she fainted, causing her to fall backwards down the stair case.

"I... um-" was all Toby heard her say before a heart breaking cry, which was followed by a crash.

"Spencer!"

"SPENCER!?"

**What did you think? The more reviews I get, the faster I'll update**


	6. Break your Walls

"SPENCER!"

Toby shouted one last time before his instincts kicked in. He dropped his cell phone to the floor carelessly, grabbed his keys and ran out the loft and towards his truck.

After hopping into the truck and starting up the engine, the only thing that was on his mind was getting to Spencer, his baby. Toby was so worried aout her, that nothing else even mattered to him right now. Street signs and familiar town faces that he passed on his way towards his destination all felt like a blurr to him. Because right now, all he could think about was his girlfriend that could possibly be in danger.

After a acar ride that seemed to have taken forever but was really only about ten minutes, Toby arrived at his destination. He jumped out of the car, not even bothering to shut the door. The fact that neither of Spencer's parent's cars were in the driveway, worried him even more.

Toby barged through the front door and scanned the house for his girlfriend. It didn't take long for him to spot her, she was laying there helplessly near the staircase. From the way she was sprawled out, it was evident that she had fallen on her way up the stairs. Her hand covered her face and he worried that she may have hit her head.

Toby ran to his unconscious girlfriend's side. He wrapped his muscular arms around her body and pulled her up so she was resting against his chest.

Her body felt weightless and limp in his arms. A single tear rolled down his face as he shook her and called her name over and over again. Each time he got no answer, his heart broke even more. He examined the back of her head and luckily, found no sign of trauma.

Toby lifted Spencer into his ams. She had always been light, but she felt even more weightless than he remembered. Once he placed Spencer down on the couch, he brushed his hand against the skin underneath her tank top. Toby retracted his hand and shudderd when he felt a line of jutting bones, otherwise knows as her rib cage. "What the-" he whispered under his breath, his eyes wide in worry.

Now that he could see clearer, he saw that her face looked thinner, almost skeletal. As Toby put the pieces together in his head, everything was starting to make sence. _Had Spencer really stopped eating!? Why would she do that to herself?_  
His train of thought was interupted when the sickly brunette stirred underneith him and slowly opened her eyes.

"Spencer, are you ok?" Toby asked. He guided her back down after she immediately tried to sip up on the couch.

Spencer felt okay, besides a headache and some confusion.

"What happened?" She rasped. Her voice so weak that it came out in barely a whisper.

"We were talking on the phone and it sounded like you fell. So I raced over here and found you passed out on the stairs." Toby explained gently. He was using his hand to rub soothing circles in her back.

Spencer shuddered as the memories flooded back to her. She must have fainted while she was going up the stairs then fallen and hit her head.

"Spencer, you look awfully thin.. have you been eating?" Toby said gently, as if too strong of word choice would cause her to snap in half. But Spencer only looked down in shame.

Toby's face softened when he saw a lone tear drip down her cheek, he reached out his hand and brushed it away.

Toby wrapped his arms around Spencer and craddled her as close to him as she could physically get. He rubbed the bones of her back as she cried, her warm tears soaking the front of his shirt.

"I'm sorry Toby- I-" Spencer gasped in between tears.

"Spencer, you have nothing to be sorry about. I should be the one apologizing."

"What do you have to be sorry about" Spencer asked, a expression of dismay on her tear stained face.

"I saw the signs, and just simply ignoored them. I should have figured out that something was wrong and gotten you help"

"Toby don't talk like that, there was nothing you could do. I pushed everyone that I cared about so far away, that no one could even come close to helping me"

Toby guided Spencer's head back into his chest and craddled it like he would to a new born child. He stroked her hair and whispered soothing words into her ear as she continued to cry.

Spencer wasn't even sure why she was crying anymore. It wasn't because Toby had discovered her eating disorder, or because she was in pain. She just needed to let out all the hurt and frustrations of the past couple weeks that she had been keeping bottled up inside of her. It felt so good to cry, and have Toby hold her, she had missed him so much.

"It's okay baby. I love you " Toby whispered soothingly to his beautiful girlfriend.

Spencer hiccuped and looked up at him with her chocolaty eyes. "How could you love such a failure like me. I have let everyone down, its okay you can admit it."

"Spencer, you know that's not true. It would be impossible for you to let me down"

This only made more tears fall from her eyes as Spencer fully realised how perfect her boyfriend really was.

"I can't stand the thought of the most beautiful person I know, thinking that she is anything less than perfect" Toby stated truthfully. He had never spoke more truthful words in his life.  
Time passed, and Toby watched Spencer's sobbs slowly turned into whimpers, until she was laying sleepily against him. All the crying had stolen the small amount of energy she had left in her body. Toby sat himself up and watched as she began to fall limply foreward, he wrapped his arm around her chest and scooped her up into his arms. Toby carried Spencer up the flight of stairs and directly to her bed.

After removing her shoes, and tucking her under the warm covers, Toby noticed Spencer stir once more.

"Toby?"

Toby nodded tentatively in responce to her.

"I'm really hungry, could you bring me something to eat?" She whispered.

A huge smile broke out on Toby's face, as he saw Spencer begin to take on the road to recovery.

**So what did you guys think of the chapter? Should I continue writing this story? Let me know in the review column if I should keep wrting.**


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